March 25th, 2020
I'd completely forgotten about the blog feature on my website, so this is the first one for one heck of a long time.
To be honest, I've never felt I've got much to say that would interest anyone, but here goes. Might as well have a try!
As I've been coughing my lungs up for the last few days, and have put myself in isolation in our study, I thought I'd have a little ramble-post.
I'm already desperately missing the prospect of upcoming live gigs. I've had quite a few horrible experiences in my life these last three years, and some still cause a great deal of mental anguish, worry, and real negative feelings. Over the last year, I've battled mental demons that I never would've dreamed I'd ever encounter.
I think I'm a typical bloke, who finds it almost impossible to reach out and look for help or support, and always feel that I shouldn't be burdening others with my problems.
Whilst trying to maintain a sunny, upbeat persona in public, behind closed doors it's a very different scenario. I find that getting out and about forces me to think and act more positively, so being on 'lockdown', essentially living in my own head 24/7 really isn't the ideal scenario. I know I get down, and that makes me hard to live with.
We're pretty much in complete lockdown due to Coronavirus, which allows even more thinking time. Not necessarily a good thing, especially on your own.
I've got an office set up at home, so I'm really fortunate in that I can keep working at my day job, occupying my mind, and bringing in some wages.
Outside of work though, my real therapy during these last few years has been the live gigs. I absolutely love getting up there in front of people and playing. It doesn't matter whether there are 20 or 200 people listening, it's a joy and a privilege to have the chance to play in public, and I'm always thankful for the opportunities I've had so far, and (luckily) continue to get.
When I'm at the microphone with the guitar strapped on, life disappears. I'm in an intense little bubble of concentration which no worries or problems can penetrate as long as I keep playing.
I'm sure that's the real reason I keep going on so long, playing 3 to 4-hour sets. It's a really effective sort of aversion therapy, as it's like flicking a switch that immediately transports me to a safe place where I suddenly feel comfortable and better about myself.
I'm really missing that at the moment, and can't wait for things to get back to something like normal, to be able to go to nice venues, meet lovely people, play some songs, and above all have some fun!
I doubt anybody will read this ramble. I don't know why I'm writing it other than due to the boredom of isolation, but any way, these are some of the thoughts on my mind this morning.
If you've endured the pain of reading this far, I congratulate you (or should that be commiserate?), wish you and your loved ones well, and hope to see you on the other side.
Right, I'm going to get down to work, with a not inconsiderable amount of help from a certain Mr Springsteen in the background. I find he really lifts my spirits.
Stay safe, be kind, and wash your hands.
See you on the other side!